‘I don’t know’
As children, we never want to say this. In school, we won’t put our hand up and say we don’t know the answer.
In a conversation, we won’t speak up and say ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’.
When we are asked what we want to do or why we got into this career, no one ever says ‘I haven’t got a clue’.
We are brought up with the impression that not knowing something is a negative, embarrassing. Like we should know everything!
But did Albert Einstein know? No! That’s how he made groundbreaking discoveries.
We are expected to know what the answer is and to know what we want to do and to know who we are.
But the truth is, we don’t know who we are.
And I believe it’s because we are looking in all the wrong places.
So often, people believe they are defined by the role they play in life.
‘I’m a mum’, ‘I’m a lawyer’, ‘I’m a son, of an uncle who’s grandfather was a politician’.
We grow up believing that once we are qualified for this or that, once we have a house or have children that we will find peace, we will find out who we are. We don’t though.
If anything more often than not we fall deeper into the unknown but we fail to recognize this.
That’s why you will rarely hear a doctor say
‘I don’t know why I ever became a doctor’.
This is why I hear so many people my age suffering, saying things like,
‘I’m 28 I should have a house by now’
‘I’m not even using my degree, I should be a working as a vet’
Is that because you want it, or is that because you believe it will bring you peace or that you believe you will have a ‘purpose’ once this happens?
Is it because you don’t know what else to do so you blindly follow the well-trodden path, is it because you don’t know what you want and you don’t know where to look so you look where everybody else is looking.
Is it because if you stand up and say ‘I don’t know anything’ people will think your an idiot or your family won’t be happy or most of all because you are scared.
I have felt all of these things.
I have realized one thing,
I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!
I don’t know ‘who I am’ if that is even ever to be defined!
I don’t know where I want to live, I don’t know what I want to do, I don’t know much.
But I am comfortable with this. I don’t think these things need to be known.
Socrates was said to have spoken these words.
‘I know only one thing, that I know nothing’
We will never know everything, we are not supposed to. To believe that we do know is complete ignorance.
By admitting this we are admitting that there is more to discover, that we do not have all of the answers or any answers and that it is okay.
Not knowing free’s you.
You are not bound by your ’opinions’ or ‘beliefs’ or ‘ideas’ of who you are.
You are open and free from all constraints, free to look into the only place that you might ever find what you are looking for. Free to look inside.
If you look there, one day, you just might ‘know’.