Ever since I can remember I have struggled with the concept of a job.
I was taught that a job is something you must have in order to survive and the harder you work in certain areas before the job, the better job you will get, equating to then, a better life.
Nobody seemed to pass on ideas such as
‘Hey, don’t think about what job you will have, just do what you love, concentrate on what your good at, nurture your talent.’
Instead phrases like this were thrown around.
‘that’s a waste of time’
‘what are you going to do with that’
or ‘you should probably go to uni and get a profession so you can get a good job’
No one told me plain and simple
‘Enjoy your life’
Nobody told me not to think about the future or what job I would do.
No One told me that actually, the most important thing in life is my own fulfillment and contentment.
Everything seems to be pinned up on what job you will get, a seemingly because the better job you land the more money you can get, again, equating to a better life.
Because of course, money is THE most important thing in this world and no happiness can be experienced without it…
Growing up with this thought pattern repeatedly being drilled into my subconscious I started to believe it.
I started to ‘try’ at school, a little late but hey, I got the grades enabling to continue with ‘higher’ ‘education’.
Although uni seemed to be the direction everyone was steering towards, something in me understood that it was not right for me.
So, thank the universe, I actually listened to my intuition, a brief and rare occasion for me in those days, and I didn’t go to uni. I passed a year in college all the while working a ‘part time’ job doing ‘full time’ hours.
I have worked since I was 13 years old. I have had jobs in various areas doing a million things in many different countries.
Some of them have been good, I have learned a lot and the jobs have been valuable and no doubt helped shape me into who I am now. But for the majority of my ‘working life’ therefore the majority of my teen and all of my adult life, I have felt something, what I now know to be my intuition, telling me that I am walking the wrong path.
Most of my work experience has been highly uncomfortable for me. I have woken up countless mornings and cried because I didn’t want to go to work, I have cried during work because I felt so unhappy. I have cried when I got home from work because I couldn’t stand the thought of going back.
Not because I have had terrible jobs, well the fish stall when I was fourteen was pretty bad, but on the whole, the work I have done has been meaningful work.
I have enquired endlessly about why this happens to me, why I feel this way. I hated myself for not being able to just get on with life the way everybody else seems to. I asked myself why I had to be so difficult and why I couldn’t just settle into a job and enjoy it.
After years of self-doubt and self sabotage, after years of trying to squeeze and mould myself, I have finally realised that actually, I don’t fit in that box.
The conventional way of, well, life, doesn’t suit me and I don’t suit it.
And I’m so unbelievably absofuckinglutley happy about it!
This aspect of life, work, seems as though it has haunted me for as long as I can remember.
I am lucky enough to have realised that I don’t have to live my life this way and I don’t have to chase a career or corporate job. I know now that I can do whatever I want to do and it’s totally fine if it’s not conventional.
My ‘J.O.B’ and I have just decided that, this word for me, now represents
JOY OF BEING!
Includes me waking up with the sun in whatever hot warm country I decide to build my home in.
It includes me practicing yoga and meditation while the whole house sleeps. It includes me and my Beautiful Brazilian God making and eating a slow breakfast together and having coffee on the veranda. It includes me walking to my studio with my dog(s). Fully arriving there with nothing but my own soul to guide me as I create, paint, write, share, teach, sing, dance and love the shit of the space I have created for myself. The space that is full of plants and art and natural light and vintage, upcycled furniture that I create for myself and others, the space that is bright and comfortable. Me living from my natural place, me being free, unbound and unrestricted.
This IS my J.O.B.
Everyday in little and large areas my life becomes the reality I just described.
This is the life I will live.
The reason that I can say with absolute unfailing conviction is because, on the quest of discovering with what a J.O.B is supposed to be, what it supposed to mean, if anything. I have discovered myself, my passion, my expression. I have discovered my JOY OF BEING. I know that I will not live any other life than the one I know is meant for me, the one that I belong in.
The one that I find JOY IN BEING.