Tag: #love

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” -Albert Einstein

“Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.” -Albert Einstein

Posted on by Charlie White

If you need to ask questions and doubt it,
It’s okay, you can.
It is natural to question things.

But,
If you look into nature,
If you really see.

You will notice the lines that run through a leaf and how it looks so similar to the veins beneath our skin.

You will notice the ebb and flow of the waves upon the ocean moving as natural as our breath.

You will notice the trees losing leaves throughout the seasons and replacing them just as our body does cells.

You will notice the cracks and patterns on the land of a dry desert and how it resembles the skin that covers our body.

You will notice animals carrying and birthing young, just as we do.

You will notice that when you look into the eyes of another being, that they have a heart and it is beating just like yours.

You can question the connection, if you must.
It is natural to ask questions.

But,
If you look, really look.

Then,

You will see.

‘Embrace the glorious mess that you are’

‘Embrace the glorious mess that you are’

Posted on by Charlie White

When I posted this art piece on Instagram I chose this quote by Elizabeth Gilbert as the caption.

In practicality, I chose it because this piece had no direction. Not in the slightest.

I was sick of my watercolor paints, I wanted acrylics but had no money to buy them. I was, as usual, putting myself down about how ‘I couldn’t paint anyway so why bother’.

So I just started to flick the paint all over the paper in a kind of sulky, disobedient attitude.

In my attempts to not waste the paper I decided I’d try to make something of the mess of paint splattered across the page.
I grabbed any old black pen and started scribbling an elephant. Not sure why but they are always my go to. When I’m not set out on anything an elephant always appears.

Once she was scribbled out I thought a signature mandala might make it something of nothing.
As I was spontaneously arranging this mandala around the elephant I was thinking about how the mess was actually perfect.

This mess is exactly what it is supposed to be.
If I let go of the expectation,
If I let go of the judgment,
If I let go of the pressure,
It simply is what it is,
Which of course is all that we are.

This is when the true inspiration behind the quote came to me.

I have expectations of myself, about what I ‘should’ do, how life ‘should’ be lived, what I ‘should’ be like.
I judge myself and my abilities, how my art ‘should’ look, how my painting ‘should’ turn out.
I put pressure on myself in pretty much every aspect of life, but why?!

If I was to let go of all of that, what would be left?
Me.
Just me, as I am.

I can say or think negative things about myself, we all can, about ourselves and others.
I can think that I’m a mess, I’m shit at this, or great at that. I can think that my life is a wreck and you can think the same.

But instead of us labeling ourselves and everything we do, how about we just embrace what we are.
Good or bad,
Wrong or right.
Let go of all of that.

There just is what there is. You just are what you are, I just am what I am.

With Love,
Charlie x

I REMEMBERED, I AM YOU

I REMEMBERED, I AM YOU

Posted on by Charlie White

There is a universe expanding into eternity, further and faster than anyone might hope to comprehend.

Within this universe, there are stars, black holes, and planets. On these planets are water and land and trees. There are animals, there are human beings.

There is life.

All of these things existing, consisting of the same thing.

Energy.

 

What I am, what you are, what it all is, is energy.

Vibrating energy forming atoms and particles that merge together to create the most complex of systems.

Creating the heart in our bodies that pumps the blood through our veins. The oxygen in the air that we breathe to survive. The body breathing just as the ocean rises and falls. The trees taking in the water from the ground surrounding it for miles around, and storing it with the innate knowledge it will need it during times of drought. The seasons coming and going and wildlife following, migrating in perfect synchronicity. The perfect symmetrical patterns that paint the universe, planets and all that lives within. The human brain and the intelligence it takes to send messages throughout our body. Natural instinct, survival, reproduction.

Within all of this, before any of this, in fact, what all of this is, is consciousness, spirit, soul. The source, the knower, the watcher, the perceiver of all that is.

 

Within all of the creations, all of these complex systems and life on earth, within consciousness itself, there are human beings. One of the few animals on this planet that are self-aware, we have a mind, thoughts, ideas, we create.
We are aware of our consciousness and our existence. We are aware of our awareness.  

 

The tree standing in the forest which is does not recognise the tree next to it as something separate from itself because it is not aware that it is ‘separate’ from the tree next to it.

It cannot compare, it does not ‘think’ of how his leaves are better than the others, it does not get angry at the trees around it for taking the water from the ground.

It is as it is. It lives.  

 

There is no difference, no separation, no judgment, no right and no wrong. Just what is.

 

So I am you, and you are me. We are all apart of the same source.

We lead different lives, we might have different ideas. I may have passed you on the street I may never lay eyes on you. But we are connected.

We are intrinsically connected not only because we breathe the same air or have hearts that beat but because my consciousness and yours are one.

It is one.

We are one.

 

I can love you because I can love myself. I can listen to you because I have learned to listen to myself. I can hold your pain and see your shadows with no judgment because I have learned to accept my own. I can show you compassion because I can show myself compassion. I can connect with you because I have remembered how to connect to my true self and all that we are.

By remembering my true self I have remembered the truth.

I have remembered that,

I AM YOU.

 

With Love,
Charlie x

‘I know one thing, that I know nothing’

‘I know one thing, that I know nothing’

Posted on by Charlie White

‘I don’t know’

As children, we never want to say this. In school, we won’t put our hand up and say we don’t know the answer.

In a conversation, we won’t speak up and say ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’.

When we are asked what we want to do or why we got into this career, no one ever says ‘I haven’t got a clue’.

We are brought up with the impression that not knowing something is a negative, embarrassing. Like we should know everything!
But did Albert Einstein know? No! That’s how he made groundbreaking discoveries.

We are expected to know what the answer is and to know what we want to do and to know who we are.
But the truth is, we don’t know who we are.
And I believe it’s because we are looking in all the wrong places.

So often, people believe they are defined by the role they play in life.
‘I’m a mum’, ‘I’m a lawyer’, ‘I’m a son, of an uncle who’s grandfather was a politician’.

We grow up believing that once we are qualified for this or that, once we have a house or have children that we will find peace, we will find out who we are. We don’t though.

If anything more often than not we fall deeper into the unknown but we fail to recognize this.

That’s why you will rarely hear a doctor say
‘I don’t know why I ever became a doctor’.

This is why I hear so many people my age suffering, saying things like,

‘I’m 28 I should have a house by now’

‘I’m not even using my degree, I should be a working as a vet’

Should you?!?
Is that because you want it, or is that because you believe it will bring you peace or that you believe you will have a ‘purpose’ once this happens?

Is it because you don’t know what else to do so you blindly follow the well-trodden path, is it because you don’t know what you want and you don’t know where to look so you look where everybody else is looking.
Is it because if you stand up and say ‘I don’t know anything’ people will think your an idiot or your family won’t be happy or most of all because you are scared.

I have felt all of these things.

I have realized one thing,

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!
I don’t know ‘who I am’ if that is even ever to be defined!

I don’t know where I want to live, I don’t know what I want to do, I don’t know much.

But I am comfortable with this. I don’t think these things need to be known.

Socrates was said to have spoken these words.

‘I know only one thing, that I know nothing’

We will never know everything, we are not supposed to. To believe that we do know is complete ignorance.

By admitting this we are admitting that there is more to discover, that we do not have all of the answers or any answers and that it is okay.

Not knowing free’s you.
You are not bound by your ’opinions’ or ‘beliefs’ or ‘ideas’ of who you are.
You are open and free from all constraints, free to look into the only place that you might ever find what you are looking for. Free to look inside.

If you look there, one day, you just might ‘know’.

With Love,
Charlie x

‘IF NOT NOW, WHEN?’

‘IF NOT NOW, WHEN?’

Posted on by Charlie White

I was once asked the question, What is your biggest fear?
My answer was…

‘My biggest fear is living a mundane life. A life in which I go to a job 5 days a week that I do not enjoy. To pay a mortgage for a house I did not want, in a place, I do not like.
Saving all I can for my annual holiday. Coming back to the house that I want to change, from a job that makes me miserable, to watch TV for hours to numb myself of the painful lifestyle I am living.’

This was my answer two years ago.

A few weeks ago, I had an emotional breakdown. I have only had one experience like this before and it was in fact, about two years ago.

I cried and cried, for days.

I was lost. I am lost.

All of the things I use to hold onto, to keep ‘my head above water’ as they say. All of the excuses and reasons I use all fell away from me and I was left sitting there staring into nothingness.

I didn’t know what to do.

Do I just stay in my bed forever, do I remove myself from the world, do I go and get mind-numbingly drunk, do I go and get high until I don’t think at all.

Or

Do I just carry on, do I just ‘get on with it’?

For days I didn’t know how to be. So I just floated along.

I did carry on, I went to my job, I came home, I ate, I slept.

I stopped doing my work. Not my paid work, not my job, but ‘my work’.
The things that ignite my soul. I stopped.

I stopped writing, I stopped drawing, I stopped reading, I stopped studying, I stopped practicing yoga and meditation.
I stopped everything. I stopped trying,

I stopped trying to read and expand my knowledge in topics I am passionate about. I stopped practicing yoga and trying to improve my practice so I can be the best yoga teacher I can be. I stopped writing and trying to ‘figure me out’ and find the reasons for my behavior. I stopped drawing and channeling my energy.

I stopped using all of my techniques that ultimately ‘help’ me ignore the truth.

As I stopped everything, I realized something.
In my stillness, in my floating, I remembered that question.

‘What is your biggest fear?’

My answer was different but the same.

My biggest fear is unfulfilled potential.
My biggest fear is that I will not fulfill my potential.

For as long as I can remember I have had a thought.

‘THIS CANT BE IT!’

Previously, before my trip to the mindfulness project, I had no idea what else there was, I just hoped and felt within my soul that there must be something more than the life I was living.

Now, I know there is something else. I have seen and felt with all of me, the ‘something else’ I was searching for all my life. I have felt the peace and ease, the absolute blissful and fulfilling experience that life is.
I know how it feels to be completely fulfilled, to be completely happy.

So, since then, I have known that I don’t have to settle, that I can have a fulfilling life.

I know that and I will not settle for anything else!

Now, in my life, the pain I feel, the suffering I feel, is because I know that I can have peace and happiness, yet I do not.

I am settling!
I am still living life the way I always have, a slightly different version yes, but ultimately the same.

I struggled for so long, so many years, wondering what I was going to do, wondering what I liked, where I belonged.

Now, I know all of those things. Knowing made it easier for a while, then eventually it became a different kind of hard.
After two years of knowing and not doing, I have hit the tip of my Ice Berg.
I have been so sad for so long. I have buckled.

So came the breakdown…

I realized my pain came from suppression. I am suppressing myself. I am not doing what I want to do. I am putting myself into boxes I do not fit in, AGAIN!

I have strong faith in myself and I believe with all my heart I will do what I want to do. But in my life right now I am not. I just wonder to myself
How long will I do this for?!

How long will I make excuses, how long will I put obstacles in the way, how long will I convince my self that I am doing what I want?

Of course, I am doing a version of what I want, but not fully.

I want to travel, I live in New Zealand. I want to learn new things, I am gaining qualifications in my new job. I want to be with my partner, we have a great life.

I convince myself that because of these things, I am doing what I want.

I make the best of life and involve what I really want by doing ‘my work’. Every day I do my work, I learn about mindfulness and practice it every day, same with yoga and meditation.

But the truth of the matter is, this is not enough.

I use my work to help me from going insane in this lifestyle I am living.

In reality, I want more.

I want to live on a farm surrounded by animals and learn about sustainable living, I want to live off the land. I want to wake up to the sun to practice hours of meditation and yoga, I want to write and create all day. I want to learn from spiritual teachers, from wise yogi’s and experts in mindfulness.

The life I am living, in Queenstown, is much like the life I described as my biggest fear.

I have a job, it is a great job but it is not my passion. I am studying, how to become a swim teacher, not a yoga teacher. I live in a beautiful place as far from my hometown as I could be but it’s not travelling.
I am with a person I love with all of my heart. Yet my heart still aches.

I have not been taking care of my heart and soul. I am abandoning them even though they try to communicate with me every day. I feel the feeling, I sense the unease, I know something is not right, yet I have been ignoring it. Burying my head in my work. Trying to say it’s okay.
It’s not!

I have not been listening.

I have not been taking care of myself.

Over the past weeks, since this ‘breakdown’ I have made a decision to listen.
from now on, I am taking care of myself.

No more excuses, no more pretending, no more convincing myself.

I trust my path, I am grateful for my life, I am grateful for this experience.
I trust this lesson.
I will listen and I will act.

If not now, when?

With love,
Charlie x